My husband and I take turns traveling for our respective jobs. On any given week, one of us is likely to be out of town for at least one night. Even though it can be a little hectic, juggling schedules—and single parenting on occasion—it works for our family. We each get to spend time alone with our kids and I can never, ever say, “My husband has no idea what it’s like when he’s not here!” Because he knows exactly what it’s like.

He was out of town a few weeks back and after two days of dragging the kids out of the bed, getting dressed, fed and to school (late), running carpool, working and doing the whole dinnertime, bath time, bedtime dance—I was tired. I can’t say it enough—single parents are heroes.

I was sitting on the couch flipping through a book while the girls “brushed their teeth.” That’s in quotes because it can mean any variety of things: they are sword fighting with their toothbrushes; they are using their toothbrushes as microphones and singing at the top of their lungs, they are scrubbing the bathroom counter, or they are ignoring me and playing—not even having the decency to pretend like they are brushing their teeth.

Aubrey, my almost nine-year-old, approached me sheepishly, the way she does when she knows that the answer to whatever she is about to ask is, “No.”

“Momma?” She started, “I know this sounds ridiculous, but will you please brush my teeth for me?”

She hurried on before I could say anything, “I know I can do it myself and I will if you want me to, but sometimes I just like to feel small again. Do you know what I mean?”

I was going to say yes even before she explained why, but the “why” melted my heart.

“Of course I will.”

“Do you know what I mean Momma? Do you ever want to feel small again?” she asked, her somber blue eyes and smooth freckled cheeks making her face look even more earnest.

“I do know what you mean. And P.S. You ARE still small!”

I brushed her teeth and tucked her in, making my way to the other side of the house to wrestle her young sisters into the bed. I sat back on the couch for a few minutes, waiting to put anybody who got up back in the bed, and thought about what she had said.

I knew exactly what she meant by “to be small”—to be loved, cared for, without a care in the world. And as I made my final route around the sleeping house 30 minutes later, pushing sweaty blond curls off of pink cheeks flushed with sleep, I realized that God wants us to feel “small.”

“One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: ‘Let the children alone, don’t prevent them from coming to me. God’s kingdom is made up of people like these,’” (Matthew 19: 13-14). The Message 

P.S. In God’s eyes, you are still small, too.

So, are you part of the sandwich generation? The sandwich generation is a term coined in 1981 by Dorothy Miller. She was referring to a generation of caregivers who were caught in the middle, giving care and financial support to their aging parents, while at the same time trying to care for their own growing families. The National Association of Social Workers estimates from their study, “The Needs of Sandwich Generation Women” that 42 million people are sandwiched between helping both generations due to seniors living longer and people waiting to get married and have children later in life.

I recently had the opportunity to sit and listen to a local caregiver support group in the Jackson area. I heard so many different types of ways the ladies were “sandwiched in” and taking care of everyone but themselves. Just as there are many ways to make a sandwich, there are many ways to feel “sandwiched in.” So forgive me for comparing ladies to sandwiches, but—what type of sandwich are you? Maybe you can relate to one of these:

The Submarine: Totally submerged is how you feel most of the time. You take care of your mom, your husband’s mom, and your husband’s stepmom, and you are a mom yourself. Your stress has just hit the mother lode.

The ALZ Stacked-High Club Sandwich: You take care of your father with Alzheimer’s. It has come to a point in where you can’t leave him alone. You wonder how you are going to take care of him and the stress is stacked sky high in your house with little energy left for your husband and teenage children.

The Egg Sandwich: You are always scrambling to get everything done, but mostly you just feel totally fried. Now your health is declining due to taking care of everyone but yourself.

The Mother Teresa Sandwich: You are sandwiched into a stressful job that helps others; you serve on church committees and are involved with many great causes. You take care of your parents, children, and grandchildren.

The Cucumber Sandwich: Although you appear to be cool as a cucumber and have everything under control most of the time, you feel like you are in a “real pickle”. You don’t like to “bother” anyone. Your siblings allow you to take care of everything because you always have. You know you need to ask for help but you just don’t know where to start.

The Po’boy Sandwich: You feel poor in many ways. You feel the financial crush of college for your children and medical bills and living expenses for your parents. Thinking about your own retirement is terrifying.

If you can relate to any of these scenarios then know that you’re not alone. As our society’s demographics shift, women will increasingly find themselves shouldering heavier caregiving burdens. The following tips are from the website, Caregiverstress.com. I hope many of you will find these helpful in caring for you, the caregiver!

• Work out: Exercise and enjoy something you like to do (walking, dancing, biking, running, swimming, etc.) for a minimum of 20 minutes at least three times per week. Consider learning a stress-management exercise such as yoga or tai-chi, which teach inner balance and relaxation.
• Meditate: Sit still and breathe deeply with your mind as “quiet” as possible whenever things feel like they are moving too quickly or you are feeling overwhelmed by your responsibilities as a caregiver. Many times you will feel like you don’t even have a minute to yourself, but it’s important to walk away and to take that minute.
• Ask for help: According to a national survey by Home Instead Senior Care of adults who are currently providing care for an aging loved one, 72 percent do so without any outside help. To avoid burnout and stress, you can enlist the help of other family members and friends, and/or consider hiring a professional non-medical caregiver for assistance. There is no need to feel guilty for reaching out.
• Take a break: Make arrangements for any necessary fill-in help (family, friends, volunteers, or professional caregivers). Take single days or even a week’s vacation. And when you’re away, stay away. Talk about different things, read that book you haven’t been able to get to, take naps—whatever relaxes you and makes you happy.
• Eat well: Eat plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, proteins, including nuts and beans, and whole grains. Indulging in caffeine, fast food and sugar as quick “pick-me-ups” also produce a quick “letdown.”
• Keep your medical appointments: Make sure you get your annual check-up. Being a caregiver provides many excuses for skipping your necessary checkups, but don’t do it. A healthy you is worth more to your aging loved one than a sick, weak you.
• Indulge: Treat yourself to a foot massage, manicure, nice dinner out, or a concert to take yourself away from the situation and to reward yourself for the wonderful care you are providing to your aging relative. You shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to feel good.
• Support: Find a local caregiver support group. They will help you understand that what you are feeling and experiencing is normal. This is a place to get practical advice from people who are in your situation and to bounce off those feelings of stress, since everyone is likely to be in the same situation and can empathize.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Instead of sending you an Instagram or a Selfie or a Facebook posting, I wanted to try to speak to you in your own strange language—Written English.

Hence, I am writing you a letter.

I just need you to know how hard my life is. It is a life of deprivation and woe. Firstly, you make me do horrible things like obey you. Here I am minding my own business, and by that I mean literally my OWN business, (that is all I want to do, you understand—my OWN business) as opposed to YOUR business. And in the midst of my self-centered bliss, along comes this “parent-person,” with all your rules and regulations, telling me ridiculous things like I need to pick up my socks. I feel like I should call the Department of Human Services again and say, “Yeah, this is little Johnny—you know the one who called you last week? They’re doing that thing again, you know that thing with the socks.” And maybe they will rescue me from this life of bondage.

And another thing, I had a baseball game last night (the fourth one this week), and one of you did not attend and video it!!! I believe that I’m going to need to talk to my therapist about this one day. I’ll say, “I remember that traumatic time in April 2013 when one of my parents didn’t come to one of my games. I think it has caused me to have addictive functioning and a diseased process of toxic codependency. I need holistic healing and wellness before I can ever feel good about myself. My family was dysfunctional and my parents never empowered me, and consequently, I’m not self-actualized. Help me please!!” So, there!! LOL. But there is still time for you to make this all better.

Anyway where was I was I before I got distracted by my entitlement, er, woundedness? Oh yeah—I was talking about how hard my life is. Yes, it is very hard.

You make me wake up in the morning and eat a breakfast that you cooked, and you make me go to the school that you pay for, and you have the nerve to make me study for all my classes—and you actually give me consequences if I don’t study!! This is ridiculous. I’ve got really great Xbox games that NEED to be played!!! (I’m stuck on Level 10!!) I should be able to play Xbox and text my friends all I want. And you should go to work and earn money to enable me to do this. And you should require nothing of me for all of this work that you do. Are you getting this yet? Send me a Tweet at #guiltyparents if you are understanding of my pain.

By the way, another thing—if my friends are getting to do something, then you should naturally be required to allow me to do those things as well. Just think of what the other parents will think of you if you say “No” when all of those parents said “Yes!!” You will feel very ashamed. They will think you are the puritanical, rigid parent, and you wouldn’t want that would you!!! Remember, you need to be like all the other parents or else you will feel very bad about yourself.

And another thing—you should not get to make rules for me unless I feel like those rules are “fair.” And what is “fair” is decided by me. You act like You are the authority around here, but even YOU have to bend the knee to the great god, “Fairness.” So if you have not asked something of my brother then you should not ask it of me—do you understand?!? That would be Unfair!!

Lastly, (and I have so enjoyed our little chat) I feel that when you ask me to do something like help you with the dishes or do chores, you are acting like YOU matter or something!!!! OMG, that is just so Redonk!!! In fact, when you do that it really worries me that I might eventually learn that my life is not about holding a board meeting and electing myself chairman!! I worry that I will begin to take responsibility for my choices (shudder). I even had a bad dream last night that I felt this horrible feeling called humility and gratitude for all that you have done for me. I woke up in a cold sweat. Perhaps I should just keep playing Words with Friends until 2 a.m. and avoid sleep all together.

Anyway, my friends keep texting my on my iPhone 4G (I can’t believe you haven’t gotten me a “5″ yet!!) so I’ve gotta go. TTYL.

Sincerely,
Your Child

PS – Happy Mother’s Day

Dr. John L. Cox is a clinical psychologist who has been practicing in Jackson for 25 years. He works with adults, marriages and children at Live Oak Psychological Associates. You can contact him at 601-352-7398, or at his website: www.liveoakpsych.com.

Megan Jones was 31 years old when she figured it out.

“I was pregnant with our third child. Brian (her husband) and I were talking one day and we decided that we were determined to give our kids some sort of direction in this life,” Jones said. “We wanted to live the best possible Christ-like life we could as parents and hopefully our kids would follow. I hadn’t put priorities in the right order like I should have in the past.”

“How could you be a parent and not have a strong walk with Christ? It is as difficult a job as it is not to have Christ walking there beside you every step of the way. I have a strong group of friends who are believers and they are right there with me too. I’m our kids’ mom and I play a major role in their lives so I better get it right. Whenever we make decisions, we refer to the Bible. It’s hard for our kids to say we were wrong when the Bible says we were right. I’m called to be a Christian mom and that’s what I intend to be.”

Jones, who is the girls basketball coach and teaches math and physical education at Germantown Middle School, and Brian have three boys, Bryson, 14, Bryden, 11, and Brennan, 8. They are members of Broadmoor Baptist Church in Madison.

Many know Jones, whose maiden name is Riebock, as one of the top female athletes ever to come out of Brookhaven High School. She was named Most Athletic as a sophomore, junior, and senior in high school, starring in basketball, softball, track, and playing on the boys soccer team. She went on to play basketball at Copiah-Lincoln Community College and McNeese State in Louisiana.

While everything seemed to be great for Jones at school and on the athletic field, it wasn’t at home. She had a traumatic childhood, being abused by her alcoholic father, Kurt. He committed suicide when Jones was 15 and a sophomore in high school. Her mom, Holly, was left to take care of Jones and her three older brothers, Scott, Danny, and Matt.

“My mom is a dynamic woman and had every reason to give up because of all of things went on that she protected us from,” Jones said. “I admire her. She raised us as God-fearing, family-honoring kids and protected us from all of the details that were swirling around her at home. I can’t imagine how she did it. She did a phenomenal job raising my brothers and me.”

Holly Riebock, who has 10 grandchildren, admires Megan. “Megan was an easy child. She never got into trouble and got along fine with everyone,” Riebock said. “She was tough—she had to be with three older brothers—and very competitive. She has grown up into a great person and is a wonderful mom and coach. She is an all-around person and helps everyone around her. Megan seems to always be in control.”

Jones was baptized (Jones was a member of Faith Presbyterian Church when she grew up in Brookhaven) right after Brennan was born and joined Broadmoor. That was a big step, and she took another big step four years later when she opened up about her abusive childhood to Broadmoor senior pastor Rob Futral and family pastor Tate Cockrell. Jones said she went through about a year of counseling with Cockrell to get all of those feelings in the open and learn how to deal with them.

“There are many people out there who have been through the same thing I have,” Jones said. “It is a difficult situation to deal with. I was fortunate to have someone to talk to like Rob and Tate about it and finally open up and get some healing. I want to help people who need to talk about their childhood. I want them to know it is ok to talk about and it’s good to get it out and get healthy again.”

“It was an inspiration to see Megan tackle issues that had been painful baggage in her life for many years,” Cockrell said. “It takes real courage to have the kind of faith to believe in God’s deliverance when you’ve suffered for so long.”

“I had the privilege of seeing Megan’s faith grow so exponentially that she went from being someone who was terrified of talking about her past, to someone who sat in front of thousands and openly talked about God’s intervention in her life.”

“I would describe Megan’s faith as ‘belief in action.’ She not only believed, but she was also willing to work hard to experience God’s best for her life.”

May is the month in which we celebrate mothers. The original topic of this column was about health screenings recommended for women; however, a quick trip to the computer for an Internet search can provide anyone with lists of the appropriate tests suggested for each age group. Unfortunately, health screenings rarely address the issue of STRESS, which many agree is ultimately responsible for more than 90% of visits to doctors’ offices. Stress upsets the normal balance and equilibrium in our lives; and, therefore, impacts us not only emotionally, but also physically. Mothers of all ages are especially vulnerable to this silent culprit.

Never before have there been so many women in the workforce of our country. Distance also often separates us from extended family and other sources of assistance and support. This leads to women trying to balance responsibilities at work with the care and needs of their families. One of the main stressors that I encounter with patients is the constant need to multitask while always performing at a top level. This leaves mothers feeling as though they are a “jack of all trades, but master of none” and that they are not doing the best job possible because there are simply too many jobs to do. This situation can be described, as “keeping your nose above water, while the rest of you is far from afloat.”

How do we slow down and take the time to care for our own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so that stress cannot take its toll upon us? The answers may be different depending on the stage of motherhood in which we find ourselves; however, we can all benefit from learning to delegate responsibilities. As mothers, we all know that no one else is going to do the job just like we would, but we must get past that and learn how to divide and conquer. Realize that it is OK for you to ask for help and also be willing to accept assistance when it is offered. Just as importantly, we must not allow feelings of inadequacy to creep in when we practice this.

Mothers of all ages can also benefit from learning to pronounce the two little letters N-O. One of my mentors and partners, Dr. Freda Bush, is probably the busiest woman I know. She is a mother, wife, physician, author, friend and serves on numerous boards and committees. We once stood in the hallway outside her office and practiced the polite pronunciation of this word. “I already have too much on my plate and simply cannot accept another helping of anything—even if it looks and smells like dessert.”

We must also make time to exercise. This sounds like just another responsibility to add to our already long “to-do” list, but this should be a 30-45 minute commitment performed four to five days a week. Use this time as an opportunity to empty your mind of all that needs to be done at work and home, and instead focus on simple pleasures. Take a brisk walk and admire God’s bright blue sky or the beautiful climbing Lady Banks Rose in your neighbor’s yard. Enjoy the strength of your own body as you improve with each week of exercise. But, do not approach this as a time to strategize and plan out the rest of your week. This is your time to pray, put on some headphones, turn off the cell phone, and revel in God’s creation.

Do not set yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals. This may be the year that you let those flowerbeds rest and allow someone else to win the Yard of the Month award. You may need to consider hiring someone to come in and help with housework two or three times a month. If this would free you up for more quality time and laughter with your family, then it would be money well spent. During times of stress, do not be the one who volunteers for every signup sheet in your children’s school. There are lots of other mothers in those classes who can fill those needs. Do not feel guilty for sneaking an extra hour or two of sleep on weekends. Adequate rest is a vital ingredient in our battle with stress.

There are special needs for specific times of life. Mothers of newborns and young children deal more with physical exhaustion and dramatic change to the lifestyle they have known prior to bearing children. It is important that they not feel isolated. Seek out other women in similar circumstances, form playgroups­ (code words for “mommy support groups,”) hire babysitters and go on date nights with your husband, sneak a nap in whenever possible. Know that these sleepless nights will not last forever and before you know it your baby will be graduating and heading off to college.

Mothers of teenagers earn stars in their crowns everyday. Those beautiful, soft, sweet babies have turned into sarcastic mini grown-ups who prefer their friends to you anytime. These are the days when laughter is so important. Make those precious family times fun. Forget the housework—play games and cards, and listen to their stories. In the words of the infinitely wise Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Who are you? Several years ago, my daughter’s wedding pictures and this question became the catalyst that ignited a burning desire in my heart for real and lasting life change. I had waited with anticipation to receive the wedding pictures from the photographer. As I began looking through the pictures I found my sweet daughter just as lovely as I imagined and my husband as handsome as I had expected, but I found myself gazing into the eyes of the woman in that picture wondering, who are you? That could not possibly be me!

The picture that set Joyce on a new path to health.

People say a picture is worth a thousand words and I agree. A picture also reveals truth, just like the scales do. For many years I avoided the truth, like so many of us have a tendency to do. All my life my “Family Heritage” has been that my family members are all overweight. I have used all the excuses in the book of why being overweight was unavoidable and acceptable for me. I have also tried every diet and weight loss program that was ever created with no real or long-term success. I kept asking myself the question: How could a Christian struggle with this bondage of being overweight?

Pictures also have a way of telling us the truth about our emotional wellness by giving us a glimpse into our souls—those deep hidden places that we rarely let others view. At this point, the realization hit me that I was in a terrible and deep bondage, and the smile on my face was covering up a heart and soul that was crying out for help. It was a silent cry that others could not hear or see, but on that day the Lord whispered across my soul, and for the first time in a long time I not only could see, but I felt the chains of bondage that were wrapped so tightly around me and knew in that moment that I was allowing food to strangle the life out of me. Frustrated, depressed, and defeated is where I lived. Along with the excessive weight, I had high blood pressure and a multitude of other health issues. I was so miserable, discontented, and unhappy that all I could do was continue to stare into the eyes of the woman in that picture feeling hopeless and defeated. In Jeremiah 33:3, the Lord says call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things you do not know; this has become my Life verse. In that moment, I cried out in shear desperation to the Lord for answers.

Our God is faithful, and in the coming days He led me to, and I started attending, a “First Place 4 Health” church. FP4H is a Christ Centered Healthy Living Program that teaches about balance in all areas of your life. FP4H taught me about real “Life Change” in the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical areas of my life. I weighed in at 339 pounds my first session. I had much to lose, but this time—with God’s help—I was determined not to give up. Five years and 192 pounds later, I finally experienced the joy of crossing the finish line to my healthy weight goal of 147 pounds. I had come to realize that real change had to affect all areas of my life, not just what I weighed.

Joyce is a biking enthusiast and great example of healthy living today!

In a world that is going haywire, we can still achieve and find real balance. When we depend on Him, He becomes Life! Being healthy and living a healthy lifestyle is a process. I began to realize that being overweight is a problem of the flesh with a spiritual solution. This was not really about the numbers on my scale or what clothing size I was wearing; it was about the battle that was raging in my mind. I realized that I knew “how” to lose weight, but what I had really been missing all these years was the “want to.” Now the body had wanted to, but the mind never did and the truth is what had been going into my mind had been guiding my behavior. My motto now is “Change your Mind, Change your Body, Change your Life!”

I can honestly say that God has radically changed my life over the last few years. What I could not do, God has done through me as I surrendered to Him. My weight was the outward sign of deeper problems in my life. The most important thing I have gained is Freedom from the bondage of overeating. I am no longer enslaved to the power of food! No more diets or weight loss plans; I have learned that balance is necessary in all parts of my life. This is not a diet but a “Lifestyle Change.” We have to choose to change, and once that decision is made we have to take steps to ensure success at every step of the journey. I call it “setting myself up” for success! There are steps we must take and FP4H was the “tool” that was used in my life. And yes I still eat fried catfish and barbeque on occasion because this is not a diet but a “lifestyle”. True weight loss and life change will never be fast or easy, but it is truly possible by the power of Christ!

Joyce Ainsworth is the author of Food, Freedom and Finish Lines! She speaks at seminars, conferences, and other events throughout the Country as well as teaches FP4H classes for her home church in Brandon Mississippi as well as at other churches in her area. She is the Networking Leader for Mississippi and the FP4H Regional Team Leader in the Southern States.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God,” (Ephesians 3:16).

My former counselor, Carol, once asked me to study the first three chapters in Ephesians. As I did so, a particular phrase caught my attention. The English Standard Version of this Scripture says, “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (emphasis mine)

As a gardener, the tree-like nature of the description made me stop to think. Turning to Strong’s Concordance for the original meaning added more understanding for me. The Greek word for rooted is rhizoo. The similarity to biological terms like rhizomes helped me see tendrils or fibers reaching into earth, just as tree roots penetrate the ground.

That led me to the word translated grounded, which means, “to lay a basis.” Perhaps you can also see the picture of roots growing into soil, forming a firm foundation. According to Ephesians the very foundation of our lives should be love. The Lord doesn’t stick us just anywhere to grow, but places us in His love, where we can receive His strength. The physical image gave the verse a more concrete feel and helped me grasp the meaning more clearly.

To grow we have to trust the dirt God has planted us in: His love. When we’re still dealing with anger and questions, we stay stunted, fearing to root ourselves deeply in Him. Trust is both a choice and a process we walk through when we start asking the tough questions.

We also need to understand the way God lays out the process. The latter portion of the verse says, “may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (emphasis mine) Being rooted in love comes first. Only after that has happened will you understand.

To my analytical mind, this seems backwards, but that’s how the verse reads. Once you are rooted and grounded in love, you have power, and that leads you to comprehend and then to know. I’d rather comprehend first and then decide to trust, but God doesn’t seem to set out the process that way.

So how do you ground yourself in something you don’t understand? The physical image helps. Does a tree understand soil? Does it comprehend what happens when its roots sink deeper and deeper in, providing nourishment? Nothing indicates that trees have anything like understanding or instinct. Growth is a function of their God-given design. Without being able to think or plan, they do what they need to grow.

Perhaps that is what God asks of us. Not to struggle to understand or try to comprehend with our mind, but simply to sink into His love as naturally as a tree’s roots grow into fertile soil. We can choose to relax our grip on understanding and allow ourselves to grow into Him.

The closing prayer comes straight out of my journal after my study.

Lord, I’m not sure I understand this. There’s that word again: understand. It’s so natural for me to try to use my mind. You did create me like that. Help me now to understand the call that goes beyond my mind into my heart. Show me how I can be rooted and grounded in love. I’m not sure what it means or how to do it, but I do see that it’s the direction to which I’m called.

How’s the MARGIN in your life? Dr. Richard Swenson wrote a series of books on the need for “margin” in our lives. He defines margin as “the space between our load and our limits and is related to our reserves and resilience.” I think creating margin is one of the most challenging aspects of living in today’s world. A lack of margin can destroy relationships, our finances, and even our health. We live in a land and time of unprecedented abundance, yet too many of us probably feel more burdened than ever.

We have such an abundance of food that we have a $20 billion dollar weight loss industry. We have tools and resources that simplify so much of the daily labor that life required 100 years ago, yet we work longer hours than ever. In the U.S., 85.8 percent of males and 66.5 percent of females work more than 40 hours per week; and Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers, 260 more hours per year than British workers, and 499 more hours per year than French workers. Our wages are higher than ever, yet American consumers have $11.38 trillion in debt ($852 billion in credit card debt, $8.15 trillion in mortgages, and $914 billion in student loans).

I focus on three key areas of margin in my coaching practice: TIME, MONEY, and ENERGY.

TIME

The best I can tell, Jesus never seemed to be in a hurry. He accomplished an incredible amount in three short years of ministry, but always seemed to go at his own pace. Time is a very finite resource. I believe that we tend to grossly overestimate what we can accomplish in a day, and vastly underestimate what we can accomplish in a year. How we spend our time, like how we spend our money, reflects our priorities. If we are going to have intentional living and create the margin of time in our lives, then we need to start planning how we want to spend it. Building margin requires tough choices and the ability to say NO.

MONEY

Andy Stanley, the leader of North Point Community Church in Atlanta, is one of my favorite speakers. He gives some of the best talks on managing your finances I have ever heard. Stanley points out that many people never create financial margin because they don’t decide to live on a percentage of their income. Instead, as their income rises they raise their standard of living. Even high net worth people struggle routinely with getting trapped into lifestyle choices that require them to work harder and harder just to keep up. However, when we live on a budget and use percentages to govern our giving, saving, and living, we are on a path to financial margin.

HEALTH

The Centers of Disease Control (CDC) reports that sleep deprivation is a public health epidemic and reports that an estimated 50-70 million U.S. adults have sleep or wakefulness disorder. We need rest and rejuvenation. The Lord provided us a Sabbath to renew ourselves. How do you feel after your Sabbath? Eating right, exercising, and getting proper sleep are such simple concepts—but so hard to consistently live out. The question becomes WHY? Look at what is robbing you of your health. Too often it is tied to a lack of margin of time or worry about our finances (or both).

To live with margin in our society is not going to happen by accident. You have to fight for it. We have to be highly intentional on our choices and learn to do without. When we have margin, we can become more outwardly and others focused. Our cup flows over with God’s love, and we can pour ourselves into others. I encourage you to not let another year go by that you struggle with a lack of margin in your life! It is an investment in yourself you won’t regret!

Today America is facing serious cultural questions that will shape the course of our nation socially, politically, economically, and spiritually. This is a time when we as a nation should be engaged in rigorous public discourse. However, the public is not focused on serious conversation, but rather is increasingly polarized around ideologies of left or right, Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative. The rhetoric is often laden with personal attacks and demonization of those on the other side. While quick to label and attack, we are slow to respectfully listen. This milieu tempts many to keep silent and stay securely on the sideline of the discussion.

The battle lines seem clear and the protagonists are known. The talking points are well rehearsed and often repeated. The vitriol for the other side openly displayed. In this increasingly divided, pluralistic and secular society, the one voice most needed and not often heard is that of God. This nation, divided and declining, is not the one envisioned by our founding fathers, nor the one left to us by previous generations.

The expectation for America—by those who came to these shores in search of freedom— was that faith should and would shape our community and guide our course. The government was not to dictate our religion, but it also was not to silence the voice of God in the public square. Our forefathers fought and died to secure the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—those endowed by our Creator. These rights bring with them responsibilities. Therefore, in America, Christians must exercise our freedoms as those responsible to speak into the public discourse a worldview that is rooted and grounded in two key realities: God initiated love and God defined truth.

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. The love of God for us demonstrates and demands our love of others. Thus, we come with love for all, both left and right, young and old, rich and poor, as those created by God with dignity and purpose. We love them because Christ first loved us. He loved us when we were yet his enemies. So, in Christ we see that love comes before agreement. It values the person before their position.

Christ’s love caused him to come and pitch his tent among this fallen world. He entered into our world and understood our story. Thus, love requires of us a humility toward and proximity to our neighbors. When Christ spoke to a thirsty woman by a well, he was able to tell her about living water. When he spoke to a landowner, he spoke of crops. When he spoke to an artisan, he could share about the potter and the clay. Christ’s message to each person met them where they were and demonstrated his love for them. However, his love did not mean agreement with every opinion or position. True love tells a God-defined truth no matter the cost.

God, in His love for us, also left us with truth—absolute, propositional, and knowable truth. This truth enables us to live life to the full as we order our actions to His will. We know this truth as it is recorded in Scripture and revealed in the Word made flesh—Jesus.

The Bible is a “lamp to our feet and a light to our path.” It is the final authority for the Christian. It reveals God’s holiness and hatred of sin. It shares the good news of God’s sovereign grace. It defines for us the origin and value of life. Scripture tells us how to enjoy the gifts of God and what is an abuse of those gifts. It guides us in how to live out life’s key relationships as husbands and wives, parents and children, employers and employees, friends and neighbors. The Bible gives principles on how to steward resources. In other words, the Bible gives us the truth that must shape how we live in this world in every sphere of life.

However, the voice of God, found in Scripture, seems to be the only voice that is out of bounds in our discussions of current crises that face our nation. Scientists, educators, entertainers, and athletes are all acceptable “experts,” while those who speak the God-defined truth of Scripture, are met with hatred, ridicule, and rejection. Thus, we must do as Peter did facing the court, as we face the court of public opinion—be bold to say: “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard,” (Acts 4:20).

The answers to our culture’s deepest problems, healing for our hurts, and the hope for the future will be found as Christians renew our commitment to live the love of God and speak the truth of God. We must not remain silent, but rather know that in speaking the truth we will see the Kingdom come and the Lord Jesus will be glorified. “Rather speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love,” (Ephesians 4:15-16).

The Very Reverend Keith Allen is Rector at Holy Trinity Church in Madison. He serves as Dean of Mid-South Convocation of the Anglican Diocese of the South. www.htacms.org.

A theme of grace weaves its way through the track listing with poignant lyrics that grew out of Shane & Shane’s weekly songwriting class where they teach students songwriting principles and theology. The title track, based on Isaiah 55, has a Stevie Wonder groove accentuated by colorful horns played by a brass section. Lyrically, the song speaks to what we have to bring to Christ—absolutely nothing.

Musically diverse in styles, this album will have wide appeal for anyone who enjoys contemporary Christian music. For more information on Bring Your Nothing, see www.shaneandshane.com or http://www.youtube.com/shaneandshanemusic.